19 May 2013

Today is Today

Today, here, now, this moment. How quickly it actually all fades and how little of it I have noticed.

It is said that we usually live either in the Past or in the Future but hardly today. And I understand that completely. I always think of what will happen in the near or far future, worry about the things I will do or the things I won't do, will I have regrets? will I make the wrong decisions? Afraid that that picture of me, of my life that I have created when I was a child, will perish or it will be altered. I wonder what my actions will be like and the actions of others and then this new dark future takes place with everything ending up in ashes. If I think of the past I remember the good times I had and the times I was truly happy. Like in some moments in my childhood, breathing carelessly in the summer wind with the sun in my eyes and butterflies in my belly.

So if the past is summer and the future is winter, you would expect the present to be a little autumn or spring. But the present isn't even here, there is no time for the present for we are too busy worrying about the future or admiring the past. Even in these busy times, I for example count the days to go on holiday, to breathe, to be free. Count the days...as if the days now until the holiday don't count, as if these days are just obstacles, but these are days from my life, these days will never come again. On holidays everything is great, it's perfect, I meet myself again, happy, like I used to be, I live. But when the holiday is over...I die. For I remember how great my holiday was and how long it will take until the next one. So I close myself, the memories of happy days hurting and the idea of waiting another year biting in my skull like termites. The present isn't there. I don't think about now, I only think about back then or tomorrow but not now. And aren't we all living in a world that we create based on worries, false predictions and false hope? Aren't we all influenced by our past, bad or good, our experiences and our trauma's?

Open your eyes, look around you, feel nothing and think nothing for today is all you have. Today can bring you beautiful and unexpected joy and you are not alone in this. So just be here, be here with me, today.