26 November 2013

Long Live Board gaming!

For promoting my book, I was invited to a Board game gathering in the lovely city of Gouda.

I arrived on time though the weather was crap and soon I was facing broad doors with the name of Concordia written on them. They looked impressive and what was even more fun was that I had to ring a bell to get in. The doors opened wide and I entered an old building with wooden staircases leading to the upper floors.

When I entered the main room I was just amazed of the room setting and the furniture. It looked so beautiful and authentic. I discovered that this building used to be and still was a society (men) club which made it even more intriguing. It was build on the 15th of October 1870 under the name of Fidei et Virtuti and the history since than is just as moving as the building itself.

I was greeted by the ones that made this day possible, the Gamegroup of Gouda called The Wanderers of Light. They were all busy getting ready for the game event. There was a bar where I could order a drink and dear Paul was very nice and sweet to everyone. Then I found my friend and one of the Wanderers of Light leaders, Frank Wils who was also busy getting all the games on the tables in the right order and place. The thing that amazed the most was that they were doing all of this for free though they themselves have to pay to rent the Concordia building. They basically organize gatherings where people can come and try out board games for free, while one of the member of the Gamegroup explains the rules and sometimes even joins in. All you have to pay for is your own drink or food but the prices are amazingly cheap and with the friendliness of Paul, it all makes it worth while.

Before I knew it the bell downstairs kept on ringing and more and more people started storming in. I joined in a table where they played a game called Black Stories. Though famous I am sure, I hadn't played it before and it was fun but very frustrating to guess. Basically one person reads out a sentence, usually having to do with a murder or a twist and the others need to guess how the story goes. It was a lot of fun to do it especially because you can use all your imagination :)

Later on I joined in an RPG game called the EarthDawn. I had never played an RPG before, well except on computer but this was a whole new experience for me. I was a Troubadour and must say not doing a very good job at it. But hey, can't win the first time right? And it's not so much in winning as in working together.

Anyway I wanted to share this experience with you guys and if you are ever in Gouda and there is a game fair organized by the Wanderers of Light please pay them a visit. They are amazingly friendly, enthusiastic and they do it for the love of boardgames! You can visit them at http://www.thewanderersoflight.nl and http://www.goudsespellendag.nl

 

22 November 2013

The Mortal Instruments Book - Movie = Boomie

Yeah, I decided to make your day by talking about the Mortal Instruments...well not all about it, you need to read the book for that lazy bastards. What I really want to talk about is the Boomie: Book - Movie combination of the Mortal Instruments.

I am reading the books. And seriously, the books, the storyline, very nice. I really enjoyed the first book and although it ain't that original (which one of us is?), with the demonhunters and all that, it's nice to read, especially Jace reminding me of a baby Essen of Silverstone. Then...

I saw the movie!

And I wondered,

why? WHY? For the love of God whyyy?

Why fuck up the book like that? The movie is horrible, no storyline, no logic, they created new things and mixed it up with a Harry Potter look alike surrounding making this movie a bloody mix of the book. They even combined part 1 with 2 and Simon didn't even change in a rat! Not to mention that Jace, the guy nicely described in the books is a walking skeleton! Where the hell did they find this actor, who's version of beautiful is this? Not to mention Clary, the sweet actress know from Mirror Mirror, you know the huge eyebrows girl? Her acting was just as wonderful as the quality of this movie. I truly feel sorry for the real, great actors like Lena Headey (our superb Game of Thrones bitch), Aidan Turner (my hottie Mitchell and favorite dwarf) and Jonathan Rhys Meyers (the man responsible for making Henry VIII cool). And I really don't understand. Why would you waste so much money, talent and time to make such a crappy movie? Why not follow the book and get some decent young actors to represent Clary and Jace? God knows how many young talents are out there who could really make us feel something.


And it's not the first time it happens. I mean I know the whole Boomie cliche and the fact that a book is always better because you can use your imagination but come on, you don't have to rape the whole book to make a crappy movie. Even Tom Hardy did a great job in Wuthering Heights and I liked both the book and that movie version. So it doesn't always have to go bad.

I thought the Twilight books, honestly, were nice. Then I saw the movie and my eyeballs fell. The fact that Edward Cullen was...well played by a scarecrow and that Bella (though also very annoying in the books) was played by Ms. Undead, not to mention our furry little friend Jake. It fucked up the books and that's the thing! When you see the movie you start relating it to the books. I wasn't done with the Twilight serie when I saw the first movie and it left a scar. Every time I was now reading the story I couldn't imagine the Edward and Jake I had imagined, I was seeing the reason why some women become lesbians...

So finally a request, a strong request to all you out there who decide to make a Boomie. Please, please think and read the God damn book before you make the movie!

And if everyone ever decides to make a movie version of my first novel, The Beastslayer, then I will puckingly decline it...well...unless they decide to make Chris Hemsworth play Essen and...me Niteria...then where do I sign? Chris honey, I heard your wife is 25% Romanian, I am Romanian...or wait...is that a bad thing? E-mail me and let's talk about the Beastslayer Boomie, my new e-mail is: mortalinstrumentsboomiesucks@gmail.com

15 September 2013

The hounds of Romania


I'm not good in politics, world crises, global warming, social issues, green peace etc. etc. etc. Don't ask me why…cause I’ll tell ya’…I guess I'm just too dreamy, sarcastic and pessimistic to get involved in any of it and my opinion on certain topics doesn't actually cheer anyone up. So if I ain't got anything good to say I just don't say it.
            Describing is perhaps a better option when it comes to sensitive topics so that's what I'll do this time.
            The hounds of Romania, and yes I am actually talking about the real dogs (don't get me started on the others...see? this is already going wrong). Anyone ever been to Romania or followed a bit the news knows that Romania has a major street dog issue. Hell, every time I'm in Romania I see them’ dogs getting more and more.
When I was about 11 I used to play with loads of street dogs. They protected our block. I even remember their names, features, they bit and attacked strangers but never me. They even attacked a little girl once, because she approached me. Five of them jumped on her and were going nuts, I called out their names but wasn't sure what to do. Her big brother and some of his friends saved her. They hated the dogs even more after that day and hated me for hanging around the dogs. I enjoyed being in the company of street dogs more than playing with other kids…But this is… not about my...twisted, lonely childhood, issues filled personality.
What I mean is that everyone in Romania knows a street dog, plays or despises it, many street dogs have names and a lot of people feed them, take care of them and play with them. But on the other hand there are a lot of people who fear street dogs, get bitten by them, even lost relatives to dog attacks. Why? These are street dogs, some are lucky to end up around nice people, others, most of them are beaten, spit on, kicked, ran over, left to starve, have all kinds of diseases, some run in packs and hunt in packs, even if their hunt are people. Well...hunt...rather protecting their territory really.
So why so many? Where do they come from? Who's to blame? You got it right the first time. People! Yep, once again people.
Peasants, all peasants must have dogs to bark if some stranger approaches or protect them from burglars. So everyone must have a dog. Even if they keep their dogs tied up to a more or less doghouse they feel protected with a dog in their home. Some peasants barely have food for themselves but they always must have dogs. Some peasants just don’t care to feed their dogs. So a lot of dogs don't get to eat every day, they drink filthy water, eat their own shit, go mad. It’s a true dog life I tell ya’.
But, sometimes, the dogs are allowed to run free at night. And, no one cares if it’s bitch in heat or a mad dog, ‘go free and leave me the heck alone’.
            Then, three months later, pups! (same shit happens to cats too by the way). What to do? What to do? I can't keep them, can't have them. Some peasants drown the pups, others don't have the heart for it so they find other peasants to have them or just...dump them at a hospital, restaurant, forest, whatever. ‘Let it be someone else's problem’. And so the ones that survive, grow up in crappy circumstances, mate and create new ones, new races, if mad then the diseases spread. They go to the cities, though even in the cities pups are dumped too. ‘Why should it be my problem?’ That's what the owner always seems to think, it might even be used as today’s slogan really.
            I've seen many dogs dead on the side of the road, skinny to the bone, missing paws, pups abandoned, alone, hungry. It breaks my heart because I can feed one now but I can't save it from a horrible life.
Some associations want to save the street dogs, protect them. All of them? How? Others say kill them, bullet through the head, it might spare many of them a lifetime of misery. Others say neuter them, but where to get the money for it? Even so, they'll still be more and more coming.
I've always said if I had millions I'd created a badass cool dog shelter, kill the ones that can't be saved, train the ones that have hope, educate peasants, neuter their dogs for free (and even some of the peasants too). But I've told you, I'm a dreamer, this time not sarcastic but pretty much still pessimistic that this won't work or happen. So every time I see a miserable dog on the streets of my own home I look the other way and think...’I can't save you, boy, maybe if I carried a gun I’d shoot…the one that did this to you.’

21 June 2013

Ben lokum yemeyi severim - my trip to Antalya


The title meaning 'I love eating Turkish delight', at least that's what I got from Google translate, if it ain't correct then blame it on them. Anyhooters, this is my way of starting my story about my latest journey to Turkey. As you all now my first journey took place last year in June, Teşekkür ederim.

So this year it was going to be the beautiful Antalya. We flew away with Corendon, a different company than last year, if you've read the other article you will know why. Can't say it has been a great improvement...can't say anything really. Anyway let's just start with the flight to Antalya. It was interesting...except for the woman dying next to me. She was coughing like hell and she even used the...oh God I never thought I’d say this...the vomit bag...And because I was sitting next to her I had to see her hand over the....vomit bag...to the steward. Let's just forget this whole event.

We got to Antalya airport, the sun was shining, temperature sweet, I even forgot about Holland's crappy North Pole weather. We got to our hotel and...that was kinda it. I mean really, just the hotel, nothing surrounding it, no boulevard of broken dreams, no smiling people, just the hotel. We discovered later on that we weren't actually in the Lara beach surrounding but in a sweet little place called Konyaalti (I can hear the Turkish people now chocking in their laughter...). And Konyaalti was only surrounded by buildings and just people living there. So no vacation mood at all. Not to mention the people in the hotel, everyone was on PMS. I mean, for crying out loud you are on vacation so for fuck sake smile a little. Nope, none of that, it was all a serious matter and I believe laughing or even smiling was forbidden. But you know my mom and I, we just laughed like idiots with everything that happened and we just remembered how much fun it had been in Bodrum...oh God that sweet little place called Gumbet, a true heaven!!!

Never mind all this shit, we decided to go to Antalya to see the city. We took the bus, half an hour and I gotta say Antalya, the old city is pretty cute. Not cute to see for 10 days but cute and it had this vibe of 'hey I know you thought it would be different but I am here for you.' The city itself is...a city…can't say it's very special. And on our way back...where the fuck is the bus to get back? It seemed we had to walk the whole city to actually find a bus stop back…So we walked and asked, and walked and eventually....after one fucking hour and a half we decided to just take a cab...

But we had a nice time too, we enjoyed the beach, the sun. By the way the beach is all rocks so if you expect sand just go to...Bodrum...heaven on earth! The sea was fine, all clear and shit but there was wind all the time having in mind that there were mountains around. The climate was a little bit harsh, sometimes cloudy and windy to actually blow that bikini top off (no, it didn't actually happen).

We did try to get to Lara beach once. We took the bus, sat in it for an hour and when we realized there was no shit to see (cause the bus didn't actually take us to the fancy Lara beach hotels we were looking for) we just took the bus back so in total we were like 2 hours in the bus...very exciting.

The nightlife was fine, if you love Russian bimbo's running around in high heels and strings...well yeah I get it, it was fun! But it was different, I mean paying 20 euro's for a mojito and 10 euros for a fucking beer, come on people, what's up with that? If I want some special bimbo club I'll just go to Bucharest for that.

Enfin, I got sick at one point, like really sick, on my birthday as well, my mom got sick too so a couple of days we were completely out of order. We did go to Antalya once more and did a little bit of shopping, I love those Turkish candle holders and I would kill for some more, not to mention Turkish Delight but I think you guys already got that part.


I can't finish this story without telling you about my flight back. We were supposed to fly at 13.00 but Corendon decided it would be better for us to just fly at 23.00. Why you ask? Cause it's a fucked up company that's why. I have to say the Dutch people that were on the flight (to Antalya and back) were very...let's just say it seemed that Holland had sent its most low life, dumb ass, illiterate people to take those flights, with the exception of a few lost souls but trust me, I didn't see one Turkish person on those flights, now I know why.

On our way back I had the pleasure of sitting next to a man whose hobby was making boogers. Not to mention that he was very...broad and had never had the pleasure of meeting a deodorant. Behind me, I don't know who sat but I did smell their feet very well as a sign that they took off their shoes...So the whole plane smelled like feet and sweat, accompanied by air conditioning that either went too hot or too cold, no wonder I was dead the moment we hit the Dutch ground.

So in conclusion, forgetting about the flights...I have to...Antalya is different, the culture is more influenced by the Arabic nations and people are just like in a city, grumpy and stressed out. Bodrum was different, people wanted to see you smile because that made their day and it made my day as well. The culture was different there, it was more simple, purer. I will never forget the feeling that Gumbet gave me when I stepped on the balcony every night and just watched the white houses, the peace and serenity of a simple Mediterranean life, it was priceless. So I guess this trip was to show me how to love some places even more.

And so you do get it, next year, the trip will be once again in the beautiful parts of Bodrum and flying with Corendon…hmm we’ll see about that.



 

19 May 2013

Today is Today

Today, here, now, this moment. How quickly it actually all fades and how little of it I have noticed.

It is said that we usually live either in the Past or in the Future but hardly today. And I understand that completely. I always think of what will happen in the near or far future, worry about the things I will do or the things I won't do, will I have regrets? will I make the wrong decisions? Afraid that that picture of me, of my life that I have created when I was a child, will perish or it will be altered. I wonder what my actions will be like and the actions of others and then this new dark future takes place with everything ending up in ashes. If I think of the past I remember the good times I had and the times I was truly happy. Like in some moments in my childhood, breathing carelessly in the summer wind with the sun in my eyes and butterflies in my belly.

So if the past is summer and the future is winter, you would expect the present to be a little autumn or spring. But the present isn't even here, there is no time for the present for we are too busy worrying about the future or admiring the past. Even in these busy times, I for example count the days to go on holiday, to breathe, to be free. Count the days...as if the days now until the holiday don't count, as if these days are just obstacles, but these are days from my life, these days will never come again. On holidays everything is great, it's perfect, I meet myself again, happy, like I used to be, I live. But when the holiday is over...I die. For I remember how great my holiday was and how long it will take until the next one. So I close myself, the memories of happy days hurting and the idea of waiting another year biting in my skull like termites. The present isn't there. I don't think about now, I only think about back then or tomorrow but not now. And aren't we all living in a world that we create based on worries, false predictions and false hope? Aren't we all influenced by our past, bad or good, our experiences and our trauma's?

Open your eyes, look around you, feel nothing and think nothing for today is all you have. Today can bring you beautiful and unexpected joy and you are not alone in this. So just be here, be here with me, today.

16 April 2013

Acting class

Hello my little tormented souls, haven't seen you in a while. I took another huge break from writing so my EYES can get better. I have to say it really...did not work. So now I thought, fuck it, I'll just enjoy my life and my eyes, instead of begging them to get better. And one of the most enjoyable things in my life right now is: acting class.

Oh yeah I did it, I am taking acting classes now and I have to say I love it. This class is only a few weeks, on Saturdays and Sundays and it's focused on a particular technique, called 'The Meisner technique'. The goal is to make actors 'live truthfully under imaginary circumstances' and the way to do it is actually very interesting but I won't explain the details here, read it on wikipedia and take the class lazy asses :). Ok, ok I'll tell you something about it: it makes you think about yourself as a person and how others see you and at the same time it encourages you to get out of your head, abandon your paranoia, fears and focus on the person before you, listen to them instead of reacting based your own personal issues. And I got some fucked up personal issues going on, gotta tell you that. But hey, who doesn't. This is actually the idea, to face your fears and deal with them, what better way to do it than this way, surrounded by a group of great, colorful people from all over the world (and I ain't shitting with you, we've got people from Spain, Greece, Turkey, Irland, Germany, France/UK, Sweden, South Africa, you name it!). And no, it ain't therapie cause it's an acting class for crying out loud but it helps you as a person and actor to become closer to your senses and be able to express yourself better.

I love this class because I am surrounded by wonderful people, I love socializing and at the same time I can let go and have fun without thinking it through. Ok that last part might seem strange for some but I mean it in a non perverted way. And for the last time, NO, I am not taking porn acting classes! People really have to stop asking me that. What kind of a person do you think I am? Well, I kinda had that coming...

Anyhooters, loving this acting class, everyone should do it, and the teacher is amazing. She has this energy that makes you high and she can actually see through you. Pretty fucking scary but a wonderful gift to have, if you ask me.

So in conlusion if you are thinking of taking a class, doing something, get out there, get out of your comfortable zone and just try it. It will be scary at first but you will love it and if you don't, well...you can always take porn acting classes....

28 March 2013

ABC presents...meee!!!!

Check out ABC's blog with a special article on me! Okay okay I look a little drugged on that picture but that's because I'm drugged with joy....:)))

http://www.abc.nl/blog/?p=32955

22 March 2013

Sun depression

Still waiting for that spring to show up huh? Well that bitch ain't coming soon. Can you imagine how moody I wake up in the morning realizing it is still winter time and that I am still freezing my butt off? Well, I can tell you one thing, you don't wanna be around me at that time.

Today for example it's a spring trick. It's all sunny outside but once you step through that door the freezing pain in the butt hits you like a banana on wheels. I mean where are those days when March just meant spring and there were no arguments about it? Now all I can do is sit around and dream of the days of short pants and a t-shirt, waking up in the morning and realizing it's going to be a warm, sunny, hot day and that it will last till evening when you can be at the beach enjoying a sunset after a hard day of work. Drinking mojitos like it's water and still being thirsty, getting an ice cream and actually eating it fast because it's already melting. Oh, those days are just my life. I mean, sincerely, I have come to the conclusion that I am in no way a winter/autumn person, no way in hell...(where I will probably end up having in fact that it's always warm there). I am all in for a summer, hot temperatures, over the 30 degrees and no less than that. I love those nights when you can't sleep because it's just so damn hot and in the morning you still feel fresh cause hey...it's summer outside. I need to get the fuck out of this country, I need to find me a great sunny destination and stay there till my bones melt. Oh yes sir, that is my Utopia, a tropical country where the winters are like 20 degrees and the summers are perfect for me, where I can wear short skirts, dresses and short pants all the time and change ten times a day cause it's so DAMN hoootttt!!! A country where I can go to the beach and take a walk without the risk of losing my skin in the wind. I gotta get me to one of those places, become so brown that even my own family won't recognize me, start a business there, maybe a local small shop and live the rest of my days in peace and warmth.

So...I will be at the airport in 30 minutes. Who is coming with me?

02 March 2013

At last...

Yes at last, oh yes at last, my book is finished and hot to purchase as we speak, please visit me on http://thebeastslayerandi.blogspot.nl/ for the details.

I will be working on a few projects the next months for promoting this book so please keep this site and the one above in mind for new, steamy updates!

 

22 February 2013

Do list 2013


I am ashamed, truly ashamed of this. It's almost March and I have not shared my To Do List 2013 with you.

No worries, here it is and if you remember my Do list 2012 you might want to compare the two http://niguanta.blogspot.nl/2012/01/my-to-do-list-for-2012.html

My apologies for any inconveniences.

January

It passed but not without being noticed. Our Irish Newcomer from the Merlin Series made his way through the list in no time. He has worked as a model before being an actor and Merlin’s mercy it shows. My first favorite I present to you: Eoin Macken a.k.a. our very own Gawain.
February
It’s all in the mood for fairy tales and if you watch Once Upon a Time, it would be impossible for you not to fall for the charms of…well…prince Charming! Give it up for the honorable, perfect to introduce to your mother, the one and only Josh Dallas a.k.a. Prince Charming/David


March

Being all in mood for fairy tales, we cannot ignore the villains. In this case the villain is a woman and she is Dutch, how worse can it get? For the yet to see Hansel and Gretel movie, give it up for Famke Janssen, watch out she is a witch ;)

 
April
I cannot, shall not and will not have a Do List without one of our favorite candidates. Thor 2 is coming up and he cannot be ignored.  Australia is giving us a pain in the butt, not only they have a beautiful country, now they also have one of the most beautiful men in the world: Chris Hemsworth. And he’s got a gorgeous motor!
 

May
Damon, Damon, Damon what are we going to do with you?  I can think of several things. Our faithful vampire with eyes that easily kill, please applause for our Damon Salvatore a.k.a. Ian Somerhalder

 
June

My favorite month and I feel all tropical. I’ll have a Dean Winchester cocktail please…Jensen Ackles makes Supernatural great in the company of his brother. Well ok this picture ain’t the perfect one to show his manly side but still the guy can show off as much as he can. I love him anyway.

 
July

Still hot in the summer so I gotta keep them hotter. Jason Momoa, our Hawaiian treasure is gonna be Sly’s enemy! Wow only for that he deserves some spanking.


August

She had enough time to rest after her baby, now she gotta be back in the game. Shakira, even after that child you still look untouchable.

 

September

Jason Statham, it’s all about the attitude babe. He’s mean, cool and a manly man all right!

 
October

Brrr the wind is coming and the fairy tales time is back. Red Riding Hood from Once Upon a Time looks kinda whorish in her ‘real life’ but as Red Riding Hood her beauty comes to life.


November
It’s the dark times again and what better man to help you get through them than Mr. Dark himself. Along came a bat…

 

December
It’s the hobbit months again and well…last year he was a vampire, now he is a hobbit but that does not make him any less attractive. Another Irish man I need to spend my Saint Patrick’s Day with: Aidan Turner/Mitchell and now Kili J

 


 

 


 

12 February 2013

Ladies, let it be their Valentine for once!

Women want romance. No, we demand it! We want poems, music, heart shaped chocolates, roses, teddy cute cards and declarations that come straight from the heart. We want men to show us all the emotions they feel for us and make an effort in surprising us with things we never thought they could do. So in conclusion one can only imagine how much men hate Valentine's Day! Hate it. Why? Because it MAKES them do sweet things and men can't be MADE into doing anything, especially when it comes to showing their love. So single men say 'I'm glad I don't have to go through this shit', single women think 'oh, I am all alone on Valentine's day' and couples think 'oh man, there is that uncomfortable day again when we're not sure what to give or what to expect.'

It is a fact, there may be some exceptions but it is a fact that women expect more on Valentine than men do. I mean, it's the Love day, it's our day and not theirs because it has to do with love. And men don't like love shit right? But, we want men to be in it just as much as we do. Basically we expect the unexpected. We want to be surprised though we know it's Valentine and men are supposed to bring us presents. So imagine the disapointment when we don't get shit. Oh hell, all men know that look and those eyes when they come home with no presents. So this whole Valentine day is like an exam for men. And if you're in a new fresh relationship and the guy doesn't get a present, oh shit man then you're burned big time! Though a guy in that situation would never do that having in mind that all the presents he buys in the beginning is in order to get some. And who could blame him?

So let me suggest something new for this year. Instead of us, the women, single or doomed, waiting for the things we probably won't get because men are men, get off your asses and do something for the men instead. No, I don't mean get him flowers and hearty warty stuff. Just get him something he likes and that still makes him feel like he has a dick. Dress up nice, cook some nice meat, put out and go with him to any movie he chooses (as we all know how much men love those Valentine movies, I assume they will choose for something a little bit more...red). And for the record if you are single, any man would do. Just do something nice for a man.

Let the men feel like it's their day for once....But ladies, don't do that every year, we don't want to spoil them :)



 

11 January 2013

Fifty Shades of...What???


Now that the Christmas days and New Year celebrations are over, I have been seeking comfort in my freshly purchased London books and Christmas presents. One of the victims in this early January is...oh my...Fifty Shades of...whatever. And, oh my, holy shit, how cliché can it get? Besides the fact that if I had read another 'oh my' or 'holy shit 'I would have turned fifty shades of red myself, this book describes a bubble head that falls in love with a young man, very rich, holy shit rich, I mean money till you puke rich, he is charming, perfect body, knows exactly what to say or do, is very smart, I mean he has his own company for crying out loud. And of course, the guy is a God in bed, he knows more than the Kama sutra art beholds. Not to mention that the bubble head is a virgin yet somehow in bed she is a perfectly skilled whore. Reading this book reminded me of a porn version of the Pretty woman movie...But I will no longer offend this book and its content. I don't want to spoil its magnitute to the rest of the world. I am more interested in the world that we women have created of a perfect man. The perfect man, he has to be exactly as we want him to be and still surprise us in many ways. And here are some of the characteristics that he must certainly possess:

1. Filthy Rich! The perfect guy can't just have a few thousands in his bank account. No, he has to be castle rich. Let's not even talk about some poor guy cause we independent women gotta have a man that takes care of us. Think of all the movies you have seen Disney, tv shows, movies, and count the times in which the guy was poor...not that many huh? It would be perfect if the guy can buy us clothes and diamonds, take us out to dinner in Paris with his personal spacecraft, has a butler and gets us breakfast in bed in a ten star hotel bla bla bla! What the hell is this bullshit about? Why a man with so much money? I thought we women were on our own now, making our own money. Apparently our money is not enough.

2. King of bed. Yes, he had to be well shaped. I mean huge shaped cause women are impressed by that. Why? Is he auditioning for the Lord of the Strings? Why not have a guy with whom you can experience new things, together? Why a teacher who'll impress you with his Casanova charms? We want a guy who's slept with tenths of women, has a lot of experience and looks in our eyes and says 'I've had sooo many but yours smells like strawberries, I will never cheat on you!'

3. The Adonis looks. Okay, okay I can't say I wouldn't want this either but that drop gorgeous perfect features look is just a little over the top. Some six pack dude that doesn’t look at himself in the mirror 24 7 and doesn’t show that great body of his to someone else, is soo hard to find. But wait a moment, why, when and how did we decide that six packs are the way to go? It's not like we are perfect, ladies so quit the act. Giacomo Casanova was a fucking ugly little man and I am pretty sure he had no six pack. Men are under so much pressure by pretty boys in movies and tv shows who don't have to work every day in an office, under every day stress and make a good damn honest living. So stop drooling at every six pack you see and think about it for just one moment...

4. Strong and brave. Oh yes, our men gotta be the rock taking care of their sweet innocent pebbles. A skinny, short man? Hell no, he's gotta be as tall as a door and his heart made of steel (except when with us, he gotta be sensitive too, cry at Bambi and...talk and listen and shit like that). Why protect us? Are we afraid of something? If you're weak to protect yourself then get a gun, a knife, go to the gym, but don't get a man to compensate for your weakness. And oh my, stop playing the weak, snotty womanish role. Well, just sometimes. Men actually like it from time to time even though they say they don't. Men do need to feel like they are the men, like they are strong but don't make it a requirement on your holy shit so long list.

5. Mysterious and spontaneous. Yep, he's gotta have this deep, dark past, all mysterious and shit. We like them tormented, secretive yet spontaneous at the same time. He's gotta surprise us every day, sing in the rain, dance (well) when everyone else doesn't, do crazy things for us. Bullshit! What some flowers and chocolates don’t work anymore? And that dark twisted thing is fine, for books but not for real life. We think we can 'heal' our men. Be real and let them be real as well.

Men demand a lot of things from their women too. But the thing is they usually just imagine or watch porn to satisfy their dreams. We look for them like crazy. Men want the best cook, most perverted whore in bed and the sweetest listener all in one. We want them to be the best cook, best in bed, rich, tall, strong, spontaneous, good looking, mysterious. No wonder men are all confused. We’ve driven them to insanity. That’s how the Twilight movies were born and our dream men became Robert Pattison and Justin Bieber. Oh my…