27 May 2011

Misery as inspiration?

I have been thinking about this the last couple of days. If I look at some of the best writers I know and I read about their personal lives, none of them have a 'my little pony' background.
Look at Edgar Allan Poe and his child-wife who crushed his heart when she died, Bram Stoker who had been in love with an actor who actually only loved himself, Lord Byron and his love affairs, Polidori and his Vampyre work, Mary Shelley, her and her husband's short lives, Shakespeare, the Bronte sisters and so many many more. If you read about their lives they seem to have had more pain than laughter. But then again you need misery, pain, heartbreaks to be able to write about them in detail right? If you want to move a reader you need to describe something in detail so that the reader that has also been through it, can say 'I know exactly how this feels' and the reader that has never been through it can say 'man, this is some heavy shit.'

My music teacher once told me that you can compose the most moving music when you are sad, depressed and hurt; when you are happy you have no care in the world. Look at Mozart's Don Giovanni and so many other componists, painters that make you cry only when you read about the 'misere' they had to go through.

But I guess we need all that crap in our lives. We need crap to be able to write about it and use it in our lives, music, writings, plays, you name it. If I had never been heartbroken I wouldn't have been able to write about a character that is going through the same thing, if I had never had the experience of total desperation wanting to scratch my brain out and eat it up I wouldn't have been able to write about a character that has reached her limits.

Then again...there is a fine line between misery and insanity...a fine line that I think I might have crossed a long time ago...Don't worry I haven't had such a miserable life (maybe that's the conclusion you have made). I am just a person like everyone else: completely and absolutely mentally insane.

09 May 2011

Happy happy happy, lucky lucky lucky

I had to use Charlie Sheen's sarcastic words from one of the 'Two and a half men' episodes, no idea which one it was.

I just found out that if I want to study English at the university it's gonna cost me like 5200 euro's a year. I mean come on people is this a study or a cruise to the Bahama's? A cruise probably costs less. So I have two choices: I either try the course in Amsterdam (I think that's still 1700 euro's a year, not cheap either mind I say) or I just do nothing about it and hope to be discovered in the next months as America's next top model...or Holland's...or Romania's...all I have to do is: not eat. Or maybe I can try one of those shows with popstars or so you think you can dance...all I have to do is: sing or dance. I can sing but not that great and dancing...well I can do that too in a club or something. Maybe that's the annoying part of it all, I like a lot of stuff so I am able to do a lot of stuff but not sufficient enough to go pro. Maybe I am very good at something I haven't discovered yet like marrying a really really rich and old man and then get his mo...Well, if I give it a second thought, I don't think I'm THAT good either.

Ok people new plan: I am going to be a...bug. Why not? I can be a bug. Some people believe they are cats or reptiles or whatever so I decided I can be a bug. But wait...I need to spend a lot of mo on plastic surgery to actually look like a bug...I wonder if it costs less than 5200 euro's?

I forgot to mention that a couple of months ago when I was looking for a job I came across a vacancy as...get ready for it: prostitute. Seriously and it was actually a real vacancy. I don't even know what to say. Imagine your job interview. Or your targets...What the hell do you write in your letter? 'Well, my motivation is that I like working with people, men and women, young and old and I am a very creative and social person. Hierby I send you my medical file.' 

Nevermind me I'm just in one of those moods...happy happy happy, lucky lucky lucky